For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Holy sore nipples Batman
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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