Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it hurts more in the daytime
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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