I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
