yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
