I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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