just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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