Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
