nut hugger
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
