omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
