speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
