dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
