i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
