Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
