her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
