At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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