so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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