The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You can't just leave with hair like that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
