All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My legs feel like baby dolphins
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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