office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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