chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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