we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
