Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
