508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
