she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
