It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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