Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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