p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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