I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
