I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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