Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
