i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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