You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
