I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
