Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
how drunk are you?
Several
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
