dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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