Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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