She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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