and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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