i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
