If that was your dad, he is hot
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
