Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
