you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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