I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
