I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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