PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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