OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
