Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
