people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
