I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
