Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
