we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
