If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
