Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
