im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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