i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
