I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
