Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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