Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
