the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize