The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
