wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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