I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize