I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
