I want to have your abortion
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
